Suddenly I am the mother of a new child. One who is almost 13. One who is so very different from the little boy I knew only 6 months ago. And it is tearing me up inside. Suddenly motherhood is tricky again. I don't say the right things. Ice cream isn't the magic bullet it once was. I have become a bit of an embarrassment.
The last few years of golden happy moments of 8-11 years old... well, the magic is gone.
Everything is still very good. It is just so different. And so confusing.
So I am painting. And crying a little too. Happy for the great kid I've got, but sad for the little boy I will never get back. Oh, I know it is good for him to grow up and to pull away. But wow... this hurts.
So I am painting my heart and all the confusion, the mixture of emotions, and the sense of loss I feel.
I think I will keep painting it out. I need to get ready for child number 2. She's only one year younger, so she'll be tearing my heart out within the year.
I see a lot of paint in my future. And maybe another puppy.