A few weeks ago, I turned 42. I'm truly in the middle. These 42 years of living have taught me many things. Unfortunately, so many of the lessons I have learned are the result of mistakes and wrong turns. Sometimes, I struggle with the scars of regret and when I reflect back on my life, those scars are the only thing I see. I don't see sparkly eyes staring back. I see the wrinkles, stretch marks, and hairy warts of poor choices.
But I have hope. I have art. And through art, I can mend so many things.
Many years ago, something sad happened in my life. I had a miscarriage. The grief I experienced was like nothing I knew. The darkness was like a riptide pulling at my heels while I struggled to stay afloat. But I knew I must stay afloat and I did. I was lucky to have the love and prayers of my family. And lucky to have embroidery. Yes, embroidery helped bring me back to shore. Every day I snuggled up in a cozy chair with my dog and stitched. I stitched quaint tea towels, a denim jacket, and an enormous poem on a quilt. And with each stitch, I felt better.
And so I kept moving my hands. Stitching more, painting more, cutting more, and pasting more. And I realized... these acts of art are healing me. Art was bringing me back.
As I wallowed in my birthday-induced regrets earlier this month, I knew what I needed to do. I got to work in my studio. I threw myself into some new projects and got my hands moving. As I created this collage, a phrase stuck itself into my brain. Woman, Mend Thyself! In other words, quit moping around in the regrets of what you didn't do ... do it now! Fix it now! Take the rest of your life and fight for your dreams! Work hard. Take yourself seriously. And just stitch up your battle scars as you go.
Patchwork is more interesting than perfect anyway.
Love your pages! How perfect for me to read as I'm trying to mend myself also. I didn't use the word mend I used fix but I like mend a lot better. I'm 50 and struggling with a lot of inner voices. As for regrets I use this is my mantra, Never once regret what once made you happy. Thank you for your perfect pages. Have a great day!
ReplyDeleteKaren, I agree... mend sounds a little kinder than fix! Thanks for sharing. I really like your mantra and will write that one down. You have a great day too!
DeleteThank you for sharing your powerful story. I cannot imagine what it would feel like but art truly does save us, it sinks deep in the soul and keeps us moving. I love your piece, it is beautiful and spiritual and freeing. xox
ReplyDeleteI'lll keep that quote - art sinks deep in the soul and keeps us moving! Love that!
DeleteThe hands and forearms hold strong meridian lines to the heart. It's the connection that heals us, I think.
ReplyDeleteTotally understand your story, for me it was knitting, in an intense period of life. I am glad you faithful hound was there to help you stitch and provide fur therapy.
I've done a little knitting and can really see how that would pull me out as well. Dogs and fibers... great healers!
DeleteFirst off, I love this piece. I take it to be a self portrait and love the optimism gleaned through creation. Plus the cute little patch on the jeans! It's wonderful.
ReplyDeleteAnd I love and whole-heartedly agree with the story that goes with it. I too found a way to feel better through art. I had had a devastating miscarriage after which I was told by my husband at the time, that he no longer wanted to have children. I wanted nothing more, so set out to find another man with whom to create a family, and met my beloved Nick. Alas, we were not gifted with children and during the few years of intense fertility treatments we endured, Nick came up with what I thought was a crazy idea, to form a musical band with him. I had always been musical but had never been in a band, but in my mind this was something only very young people did so I was reluctant. But he knew I needed it, and persisted. We ended up working very hard at it and performing on many great stages in Toronto, with a few out of town gigs too. And we still make music together almost every day.
I know it saved me, and allowed me to see that there could still be happiness without the thing I so desperately wanted. Art can be such a comfort to those who are able to feel the satisfaction that it can give, whether or not there is any commercial value in that which is being created.
Happy birthday, my friend.
Thank you Loulou! Thank you so much for sharing your story. What a powerful gift to learn that "there could still be happiness without the thing I so desperately wanted." So beautifully put.
DeleteSuch a moving post Jenny. It is so true how art in any form does help to heal whether it's one stitch, one cut and paste, one written word or one brush stroke at a time. You're doing a beautiful job of mending-stay with it :)
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful!! I love the texture- the sewing in the hands and scissors is such a great touch. 42 years old is young still- I don't regret my 38 years but I do wish I had found my crafting hobby earlier- I would know more techniques and be more confident in my work but when I'm sixty I'll look back and see I started at the perfect time- so will you I'm sure. Thanks for this wonderfully inspiring blog!!
ReplyDeleteI wish I'd gotten busy as an artist much earlier too. But... I like to think that all my efforts in the "serious" world prepared me to let it all go and be an artist now. So here we go!
DeleteInspiring and a fabulous collage!
ReplyDeletethank you Terrie! So glad you stopped by!
DeleteWonderful moving post and great collage. Indeed it is the mending that makes us strong. The easiest thing to do is give up.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right!
DeleteThis a wonderful piece of art,and the inspiration behind it very moving.
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